Great Moments In Police History - Part 63

GREAT MOMENTS IN POLICE HISTORY - PART 63

BY RUSSELL HILLMAN

PAGE 1

TITLE

GREAT MOMENTS IN POLICE HISTORY - PART 63

CREDITS

WRITER – RUSSELL HILLMAN                    ART -                     LETTERS -

Page 1, Panel 1:

A small square room with redbrick walls. Two plain clothed New York City Police Officers stand in front of a table. They are Patrick Murphy (pale skin, red hair, mildly chubby) and Hymie Goldberg (skinny, big nose, dark hair, bushy eyebrows). Behind the table is Luigi Vanzetti (fat, dark hair, expensive suit). We’re behind Vanzetti in this panel, looking at Murphy and Goldberg. Murphy is leaning on the table, Goldberg is hanging back. On the table are a glass of water, a large glass jug of water, a pen and a pad of paper.

CAPTION

NEW YORK CITY, 1942. DETECTIVES PATRICK MURPHY AND HYMIE GOLDBERG ARE INTERROGATING SUSPECT LUIGI VANZETTI.

MURPHY

OK, Vanzetti. Where were you on the third?

VANZETTI

I ain’t tellin’ you nothin', copper.

Page 1, Panel 2:

Reverse angle to previous. Goldberg has now stepped forward and is speaking to Vanzetti.

GOLDBERG

Excuse us a second, Vanzetti. I need to speak to my partner here.

VANZETTI

Take all the time you need. I guess I ain’t goin’ noplace.

Page 1, Panel 3:

A hallway outside the interrogation room. Murphy and Goldberg stand either side of the closed door to the interrogation room (which has a frosted glass panel in the upper half, with INTERROGATION ROOM 3 written on it). Murphy is lighting a cigarette.

MURPHY

This isn’t working. We need to try a new technique.

GOLDBERG

Agreed. We need to try to catch him off guard.

Page 1, Panel 4:

Continued from previous. Murphy exhaling a cloud of cigarette smoke.

MURPHY

What we need to do is come at him from two different directions.

GOLDBERG

Maybe play up two different personality types?

Page 1, Panel 5:

Back in the room. We’re seeing from Vanzetti’s perspective. Murphy is dressed for St Patrick’s Day, and has a pig under his arm. Goldberg is wearing a yarmulke on his head and a tallit over his shoulders and a big Star of David on a chain around his neck...

MURPHY

Faith and begorrah, you’ll be telling us where you was on the t’ird, to be sure, to be sure?

GOLDBERG

Oy vey! What is with this goy meshuggener?

CAPTION

FIRST ATTEMPT – IRISH COP, JEWISH COP

Page 1, Panel 6:

Back out in the hall. Murphy is putting the pig down.

GOLDBERG

That might not have been the best idea.

MURPHY

Never mind. I’ve got a whole bunch of others.

PAGE 2

Page 2, Panel 1:

Back in the room. Vanzetti’s perspective. Goldberg and Murphy are back in their normal clothes. Goldberg’s tie is loose, his shirt is untucked and his hair is messy. He has a half-empty bottle of Manischewitz in his hand. Murphy is ultra-smart and is pouring from a thermos flask.

GOLDBERG

G’waaaan. Tell usssh where you was! I’ll be your besshtesht buddy!!

MURPHY

Would you like a black coffee?

CAPTION

DRUNK COP, SOBER COP

Page 2, Panel 2:

Vanzetti’s perspective again. Goldberg has a jaunty trilby on; he has smartened up again (except for the loosened tie) and is holding a microphone on a stand. Behind him, Murphy is in tails and a top hat and is tap-dancing.

GOLDBERG (SINGING)

Why don’t you sing like a bird -

Where were you on the night of the third?

SFX (FROM MURPHY’S FEET)

Tap-tap-tappety-tap!

CAPTION

SINGING COP, DANCING COP

Page 2, Panel 3:

Back to the view from the opening panel (behind Vanzetti’s head). In their normal clothes, Murphy has his hands clutched in a pleading gesture. Goldberg has a fist raised in anger and a face to match.

MURPHY

Oh, please tell us where you were on the third. We’d be really grateful!

GOLDBERG

YOUR MOTHER WEARS ARMY BOOTS, YOU LOW-LIFE SCUM!

CAPTION

POLITE COP, ANGRY COP

Page 2, Panel 4:

Back in the hallway. Goldberg is on the left of the panel this time.

GOLDBERG

I think we had something there - it just needs a little fine tuning.

MURPHY

No way. This next one’ll work, you’ll see!

Page 2, Panel 5:

Back to Vanzetti’s perspective. Goldberg is wearing a comedically oversized sombrero but is otherwise normally attired. Murphy is dressed as a French chef complete with moustache, and is holding a covered tray of food.

MURPHY

Un chapeau, et... bœuf bourguignon! Voila!

CAPTION

HAT COP, FRENCH CHEF COP

Page 2, Panel 6:

Vanzetti’s perspective. Back in their normal clothes, Goldberg wears facepaints to look like a cat (very poorly done, just a few lines for whiskers and the tip of his nose coloured in black), Murphy is sitting on a horse. If the top of the panel cuts off Murphy’s head and shoulders, that would be perfect.

GOLDBERG

Miaow!

HORSE

Neigh!

CAPTION

CAT COP, MOUNTED COP

PAGE 3

Page 3, Panel 1:

Vanzetti’s perspective. Goldberg looks completely normal. Murphy is wearing a dress over his suit, a blonde wig and expertly applied make-up.

GOLDBERG

Bore da, boyo! Sut mae?

MURPHY

Do you like my new dress?

CAPTION

WELSH COP, LADY COP

Page 3, Panel 2:

This time, we’re behind Vanzetti again... Murphy is in his usual outfit doing a handstand, Goldberg is completely naked (Vanzetti’s head stops us seeing too much). No dialogue.

CAPTION

UPSIDE-DOWN COP, NUDE COP

Page 3, Panel 3:

Back to Vanzetti’s perspective. This one will be fun. Goldberg is dressed as famed French philosopher Henri Bergson (Google Image search is your friend). Murphy is in a marching band uniform, playing an imaginary sousaphone. (Again, Google Image search).

GOLDBERG

Genius is that which forces the inertia of humanity to learn.

MURPHY

PARP!

CAPTION

HENRI BERGSON COP, SOUSAPHONE IMPERSONATION COP

Page 3, Panel 4:

At a make-up table in the corridor. Murphy is halfway through applying blackface to Goldberg, who is wearing a jacket with broad stripes.

GOLDBERG

I feel a little uncomfortable. Maybe we should skip this one?

MURPHY

Yeah, this doesn’t seem right.

CAPTION

LET’S CALL THIS ONE “AL JOLSON COP” AND MOVE ON.

Page 3, Panel 5:

Back in the room, back to Vanzetti’s perspective. Goldberg is in his normal clothes, Murphy has an obvious pillow stuffed up his shirt, and is holding a big cake.

GOLDBERG

C’mon buddy! If you tell us now, it’ll be a lot easier for you.

MURPHY

CAKE!

CAPTION

GOOD COP, FAT COP

Page 3, Panel 6:

Vanzetti’s perspective. This time, Murphy is in his normal outfit and Goldberg is dressed as a traditional mime artist and is walking into the wind.

MURPHY

Just tell us who else was there. That’s all.

GOLDBERG

(Empty balloon)

CAPTION

GOOD COP, MIME COP

PAGE 4

Page 4, Panel 1:

Back out in the corridor, back in their suits. Goldberg lights a cigar.

GOLDBERG

It’s no good. We’re never going to break him.

MURPHY

I’ve got one more idea. Just go with it. You go in first...

Page 4, Panel 2:

Behind Vanzetti’s head. Goldberg and Murphy are back in the room. Goldberg is pouring himself a drink from the big glass jug.

MURPHY

Come on, Vanzetti. We know you were there.

Page 4, Panel 3:

Goldberg pours the jug of water over his head.

SFX

KER-SPLOOSH!

Page 4, Panel 4:

On Vanzetti. He is contorted with laughter.

VANZETTI

HA HA HA HA HA!

Page 4, Panel 5:

Continued from previous. Vanzetti has picked up the pen and holds it over the paper.

VANZETTI

OK, that one was good.

VANZETTI (CONTINUED)

I’ll tell you whatever you need to know.

Page 4, Panel 6:

Continued from previous. We see a Murphy and a soaking wet Goldberg from behind, stood by the table as Vanzetti writes out a confession. No dialogue.

CAPTION

And so, thanks to the pioneering work by

Murphy and Goldberg, we have the world-renowned

 interrogation technique known as

GOOD COP, WET COP.